coffee..my own addiction

a life without coffee must be very lethargic. for someone like me who will never have a day complete without at least 5 cups of my daily caffeine, i know it is my own kind of addiction. whether it is bad or good for my health, i know i can not live without coffee. it makes me irritable when morning comes and there is no hot water in the thermos. i like instant coffee. it's easy to make and besides i have my favorite brand.

my brother sent many packs of coffee from Italy. it's not instant, but it's good that i have my percolator. the taste is good actually, stronger than i was used to, but tasteful.

if some have their own favorites...me..i'm content with a steaming cup of coffee. i have read that it is not really bad for the health. actually, there are good effects also, but i'll let the internet tell you all about it. i am just thinking about coffee right now even though it's past 10 in the evening and i'm almost ready to sleep. actually, i am craving to make one...haha..but i'l pass. tomorrow is Sunday and i have to wake up early.

for now...these are my thoughts.

almost weird but it's where my mind wanders.

midnight contemplation..

It's almost midnight, yet my mind is still alert, sleep so far as though i did not have a busy day today. School started this week, and i am back with doing things for my niece and nephew. Since their parents are not here with them, i am left alone to care for their needs. It was something i volunteered to do, making myself be a temporary mom, their guardian, and friends were asking why i did it.

For years, i live my life comfortably, i have no one to do things for except myself, i don't have responsibilities like some of my friends who are already settled down. I was a single woman, enjoying my freedom, yet, i felt empty. It was as if my life is a series of circling paths, with no clear destination, no arrows to follow to lead me to something worthwhile.

I guess, this is just the right time for me to do something big. Like pretending even for a time to be a responsible human being. Taking care of two little children, making small decisions for them..until their parents come back from work to be with them.

So far...though now i know how hard this taking responsibilities is, i feel that i am truly enjoying it even though it is hard work. Sleeping until the sun rise is a luxury i don't have during school time. And i miss my bed terribly!

Somehow, i know that for now, my life has a meaning. Sure, there is still emptiness, i still crave for that fulfillment...but for the time being, i am a little content, if not truly content, with my days.

Someday...perhaps...it will come, whatever it is i am waiting for.

always on my mind

When i was a kid, i used to hear my "lola", (grandmother) talked about Elvis Presley. He was, i assumed, a favorite person, though my mind could not yet grasped the reason behind it. I was very young then, maybe around 4 or 5 years old. I would see her listening to some nice music of this Elvis person. She was a collector of his long playing albums. I also saw some from Beatles, but i knew that she favored Elvis more.

Now, as i was browsing @you tube, i saw this video of the great King Of Rock and Roll, who, by now, i knew as Elvis Presley, titled Always On My Mind. Many years back, perhaps because my lola was so into Elvis, i also became fascinated by the man himself. I had watched Elvis and Me by Priscilla Presley and it was then that i fell in love with their story. Who hasn't?

Although it was a sad story and had a sad ending, i thought that the way it ended,

with Elvis gone, still, there was no closure in their story. As a romantic fool that i am, i had this imagination that of all the women that were linked to him, it was Priscilla that gave him that feeling of being complete as a man. That it was only Priscilla that he truly loved, till the end.

He started rock and roll in the music industry, but he also sang love songs that are timeless. He had a really nice vocal range.

This video is one of my favorite and the song was great. I love the lyrics, it reminds me of their love story.

The lyrics are so nice it tugs at the heart.:)

my silly thoughts, foolish mind

i have been wondering lately...many friends had settled down, started a family, made a new life for themselves. everybody thinks that after college, when you are ready financially and emotionally, that is the time to settle down... or in common phrase, get married.

i grew up in a family that believes in marriage, a family that is still conservative in many ways, hence, i learned at an early age that what i wanted was not what is always right, that i have to take into consideration not only myself, but everyone, or everyone's feelings first, before i make decisions. that is how it is in my family, i guess, in simple terms, respect is a great factor.

but this is not really where my thoughts are leading when it comes to settling down with someone because, this someone is new in your life, who is a total stranger before you let yourself succumb to the attraction that pulled you towards this person you learned to love as time passed by.

my thoughts were a bit simpler than how to start a family. what i am trying to say is that...what if after marriage, you live with each other in the same house, same bedroom, not for a week, a month, but for a lifetime, and find yourself living with someone so opposite to the ways you are accustomed to?

let me make this simple and not complicated...

you are a person of cleanliness, tidiness...

maybe, you will laugh at these so shallow thoughts of mine.

but there are people like me who thinks this way. i am my own person. i grew up and live my life the way i was taught, the way i learned, and the way i find to my liking.

and this other person, though i have deep feelings for him/her, one day, i will find that his/her ways, how he/she lives in a house was a mess, someone who is not bothered by chaos..but feels comfortable being in it.

now, i really think i am being shallow, childish and narrow minded, just thinking along these lines.

but you see, thinking this way, and i know i am not alone in this, there are many out there like me...born and grew up in an organized surroundings, because this was how we are taught in school, not to be messy, but to be organized.

will i suffer as a wife to slave after a husbands untidiness? will i despair if i try to teach him to be more cooperative but in the end, all my efforts will come to waste, because, he is like that...i married him, so i also married his good and not so good traits. is that it?

wow! this is just a small thing i am wondering, i haven't added the facts about decision making or perspective about life...do we see a simple thing the same way or differently?

hmm, maybe, i really should fall head over heals in love with this person, to make me blind, to make me see not his shortcomings, but only feel the emotion that makes me high just by being with this person. he must be that special, unique, so that i'l be the suited wife for him who will not complain but take whatever will come my way in this marriage.

the question is...?

can i be that wife?

can i be that person who will wake up one day to reality and not complain?

can i be that other half who will accept this person as he is and not try to change him to my ways?

can i be this woman who will love with all her heart?

these are only some of those silly and foolish questions really, coming from a person like me who is not yet married, wondering what is was like to be married...

if i will wonder about foolish things such as these, then maybe, i am not cut out to be one. i will not be ready to settle down.

not now, at least.