midnight contemplation..

It's almost midnight, yet my mind is still alert, sleep so far as though i did not have a busy day today. School started this week, and i am back with doing things for my niece and nephew. Since their parents are not here with them, i am left alone to care for their needs. It was something i volunteered to do, making myself be a temporary mom, their guardian, and friends were asking why i did it.

For years, i live my life comfortably, i have no one to do things for except myself, i don't have responsibilities like some of my friends who are already settled down. I was a single woman, enjoying my freedom, yet, i felt empty. It was as if my life is a series of circling paths, with no clear destination, no arrows to follow to lead me to something worthwhile.

I guess, this is just the right time for me to do something big. Like pretending even for a time to be a responsible human being. Taking care of two little children, making small decisions for them..until their parents come back from work to be with them.

So far...though now i know how hard this taking responsibilities is, i feel that i am truly enjoying it even though it is hard work. Sleeping until the sun rise is a luxury i don't have during school time. And i miss my bed terribly!

Somehow, i know that for now, my life has a meaning. Sure, there is still emptiness, i still crave for that fulfillment...but for the time being, i am a little content, if not truly content, with my days.

Someday...perhaps...it will come, whatever it is i am waiting for.